I love the Olympics. I love the international part and I love the fact that the competitions are quick (races like swimming or speed skating and prancy-dancy things like gymnastics and ice dancing usually take a few minutes each, which I think is why the races and prancy-dancy things are always more popular in the Olympics than, like, hockey or baseball or whatever). But I do think there's an aspect of it that's a little outdated: It's athletic.
Let's be frank -- physical activity is a bit passe. There was a time when physical strength was really a ticket to personal success. You had to swing extremely heavy swords to chop the limbs off of Huns. You had to plow fields like a mofo to feed your family. Big muscles were pragmatic.
Nowadays, athletic ability is little more than window dressing. The winners in life are the nerds who start computer companies or the CEOs who connivingly back-stab their way to wealth. The musclebound types might get chicks in high school , but in real life, they either make the NFL or they get really good at hauling trash. Even if you're a soldier, you do better if you know how to program computers for drone attacks than if you ran into a terrorist cell with your shirt ripped off yelling "ROOOAAAAR!!" like a movie monster. It's brains, not brawn, that wins in modern life.
I mentioned the NFL because yes, there are some brawny types who do well in professional sports. But the people who actually get paid to play sports comprise one millionth of one percent of the all the jocks in the world. And it underlines my main point -- that this appreciation of athletic prowess is a vestigial instinct, one that once would have rewarded those who can provide and produce wealth, but now is tantamount to making national celebrities out of the people who have the best haircuts. It's nice, it's attractive, but it's really pretty useless in real life.
That's why I propose a Nerdlympics. I haven't really figured out the events yet, but I was hoping you guys could help with that. The only rule is that success can not have anything to do with athletic ability. And also, the competition should at least be kinda interesting to watch. It doesn't have to be riveting to do well in an international competition -- look at luge, where they run against a clock and every single run looks exactly the same. And people still watch that and cheer like lunatics. So the bar is pretty low.
It has to be relatively comprehensible too. You can't have a math competition (sorry Emily) because most people don't understand math. It has to be something that people do actually find enjoyable, typically. I think Scrabble should be one.
I'm a bit biased because I'm a Scrabble freak. But I think it could be a lot like televised poker. I've never really enjoyed playing poker, but I admit, it's not bad to watch on TV. Taking a page from televised poker, you would need to see each person's hand on TV, so you could shout at the TV "No, 'qi' on the triple word score, you moron!" That would really be the fun of it. And when they put down a weird word you've never heard of, the TV guys should define it for you. And each turn should be timed to keep things moving.
And honestly, wouldn't you rather root for some nice old grandma who happens to be a Scrabble master than Apolo Anton Ohno and that stripper's pussy on his face? Aren't we all a little tired of rooting for jocks? Hell, reality shows are nothing but non-athletic competitions -- singing, cooking, bug-eating -- and we love them to death. We need that kind of stuff on an international scale, only every four years, and decide that it's a really big deal. That part just seems to make it so much more fun.
So what events would you put in the Nerdlympics?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I'd love to see Scrabble or the crossword tournaments go Nerdlympic. The only problem is see with that is linguistic. Especially in Scrabble. Either you make it English-only, which is unfair to non-Anglophones, or you allow all languages, which is an unfair advantage to Czech contestants. Can you imagine "zdkryx" on a triple word score?
Other board games might be good, too. Risk? Clue? Why not? Backgammon is the game of kings. So is chess, so add that.
Otherwise, keep curling. Let's see - how about speed reading? Improv sonnet-writing? But again, those are hard to judge across languages.
Anyone else have any nonverbal competitive events? I agree that tv poker is strangely addictive. Sudoku? It disappoints me intellectually (see earlier post), but I bet it could make for good watching. I don't know. Interesting question, Ed.
I still think math should be a component. I mean you can have the 100 meter equivalent to math, where contestants perform basic math skills everyone knows, just really fast. Then you can have the racewalking equivalent, where contestants must solve complicated proofs and nobody cares.
Nerdlympics should definitely have a logic problem division. That would be very popular with the public because logic problems seem obvious once you know the answer.
If I were organizing the Nerdlympics, I would have some science divisions. We could have a mulit-step chemical synthesis or some complicated cloning. This may be more like the triathalon, where you only watch the interesting portions, and not the part where someone runs (a gel) for 2 hours.
Wow, you guys are totally nerding out the Nerd Olympics! I think I would have an event that was something like rocket building with silly little household items, like rubber bands and citrus zesters. Whoever built the coolest-looking rocket wins. Not necessarily functional.
I should speak to board games, since I play them just about every week and I've played about a million different strategy ones. A million! Risk is a faulty game - too much randomness, since it's entirely dice-dependant. It'd be like watching competitive Picking Winning Numbers Out of a Hat. Also kind of boring when you get down to two players and everyone just watches them roll roll roll roll roll roll. Clue, on the other hand, is a fine game with minimal randomness (though the dice are still there) but a lot of good deduction, so that could be in. What you want is a game like Puerto Rico, which has absolutely no random elements. I won't elaborate, though, since I'm betting the six readers of this blog haven't played Puerto Rico. You should though. It's awesome!
I agree with the concerns about these language-related games. Though I once got my ass kicked playing Scrabble against a French man named Valerie who only knew about 10 English words. The game was in English and somehow he managed to put just about every day of the week and a variety of months in great spots.
Maybe you could have a Card House building competition. Good hand control and coordination needed there. Winter Nerd Olympics should probably involve snowmen and forts.
I guess I should add, in case someone actually HAS played Puerto Rico, that there is the one randomly-determined element, the plantations. Minor. I also just played a game recently that was super cool, called Ricochet Robots. That one would be awesome for the Nolympics. Each player just needs to figure out the shortest way for these little robots to get to their spots. Some people are really good and some totally suck, so it would be fun to watch the really fun people try to outdo each other while at the same time, trying to figure out the routes yourself. I wish you all lived here so I could invite you over for a round. I bet you'd all rock.
Click here for a video tutorial of Ricochet Robots.
I like Clue for Nerdlympics, but I think someone needs to ramp it up a notch. Ed and I played a couple years ago, and every game was over in about 10 minutes. It was drastically different than when we played over 20 years ago and would practically fill up the entire sheet before anyone would venture a guess.
I am totally putting Puerto Rico and Ricochet Robots on my wedding registry. I also found Lost Cities and Ingenious while I was just on Amazon. Has anyone played these? I need to build up my board game arsenal.
Awesome, Emily! We've had Puerto Rico for years and have played it about a million times and it still feels fresh. The first game can feel kind of overwhelming, because there are all these little buildings and you don't know which ones to build, but it doesn't take long to get used to everything.
We have Lost Cities, too. It's a really nice, little 2-player game. Each round takes maybe 5 minutes and you can play as many rounds as you want, so it's a good game to bring on a trip. Simple rules, too.
I've never heard of Ingenious. Some others you might want to consider are Railroad Tycoon and Ticket to Ride - Europe (there's Ticket to Ride - America, but it's not as good). Both are nice railroad games that aren't too complicated but are a lot of fun.
By the way, you can read reviews of just about every board game on Board Game Geek.
I haven't played Clue for about 10 years, but as I recall, you really need about six people for it to be interesting. I remember a few 2-player games that, as you noted, were over in about 10 minutes.
Post a Comment